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| WOW. I suck at writing on here. Haha. It's been almost a year since I wrote. I'm living in NE now. Enjoying every minute of it. Really plugged into the church here. Loving it. Loving life basically. Everything is going really well. Well..Give me some love and let me know how everyone is! | | |
| just writing becuase miyo mentioned that i never write anymore..so yeah...im at home...bored...out...of...my....mind. had soo much fun at the concert last night. i wish we had more Christian bands around...so yeah. things are going well. havent seen joz in almost a week. im going through jozi withdrawals!! AHH call the doc!! shmer....yeah shorebreak was fun and i want to go back. to being alone...it was nice. i need more of that. just non-people time. where everyone is too afraid of me to talk to me. its kind of humorous considering how terrified of them i am.but oh well. "the world makes sense again" bought two new movies...ferris bueler and four feathers. i havent seen four feathers yet but how can you miss with heath ledger...*is not obsessed...well okay....fine...but just slightly!!* my finger hurts. stupid ingrown fingernail!! my cmails are racking up, haha. between me and shaggy its crazy! lol. everyone keeps asking me if i am dating a sailor. i could never. too old for me. and...yeah...well...too mature for me in general...i dont want to mess with all the crap that comes with it too....i need to go back to NE im missin it badly. i want to sit on the patio and talk till we have to drive away. soon...soon...then i never have to go away...i can just stay and talk and cry and laugh and be my nostalgic self!!SCORE!! lol...i miss everyone....im going to CALi this sumemr!! and mex. again!! yay...well im out..for now, maybe ill post some poems and some pics in a bit. maybe... | | |
| wow. back from oki. congrats to liz and kc!! yall are incredible and i wish you the best of luck in your future. i will be here for you as much as you need and so will brandie im sure. im sooo happy to be back. it was a strenuous week. it was...fun....i guess...i really liked seeing everyone grow in christ and i am extremely jealous of them. i wish i could have..i think i did a little bit. but...its hard....i feel so dirty, filthy, defiled, unworthy. and they say well you are so get over it because God forgives you and you are pure again. but...its soooooo difficult! i just hope i can clean my spirit again from the filth that is dragging it down. it was hard but so worth it to help liz and kc grow. i felt somewhat guilty trying to help them when im not doing well at all either. and i felt alone all week. i guess i am unnapproachable jess. because no one wanted anywhere near me. that could be because i dress differently from all of them or in kc and liz's words "i seem too cool" haha riiiiiiiight. thats it....i just felt really good all week..i really liked being alone . it was a comforting feeling to be able to grieve and not have everyone asking what is up. but i didnt greive much. i was overjoyed with the way the spirit was moving. it was so far beyond incredible. i am sooooo estatic. i really want to thank everyone that went again. yall are so awesome and have really helped me with my faith, probably more than any of you can know. i am sorry if i seemed upset, i was just really really thoughtful all week and things have just been getting better and better for me. i wish i could have worked up the guts to talk to one of the guys i had my eye on, but there will be time for that another time. for now, im just happy to be back and cant wait to see josie and shaggy and spain and hewitt and kenny(have to tell him i wore a berret) and berret boy. hehehehehehe and everyone else....haha....i really missed them all. i was really happy that i was able to keep in contact with at least jos and shaggy. otherwise i think i would have cracked from loneliness...well...cant wait for tgifs tomorrow. im so happy me and deryns are over. so so so happy. that relationship was definitely bad for me. i feel so much happier and healthier and better all around now that it is over and done with. i cant wait till he moves because it will be hard seeing him in the hallways, but what needs to be done needs to be done. im just glad i have jos and everyone behind me all the time to help me along and keep me strong. i love you allllll!!! and eonna--thanks for what you said today. it really touched me. im so glad i helped you at all this week:) i feel like such a better person after this week. im happier with myself. i have grown so much and sometimes it scares me and other times im so happy i could cry. i cant believe im out of here in like 8 and 1/2 months. i cant wait!!! i want to go back to my grammas house soooo much. i love it there. it is peace and love and serenity and hope and joy. it is my home and my heart. i will never truly leave that place no matter how far i am from it. wellllll....stupid allergies.....i had better run off to check on the kitty. love to all!!!! | | |
| this is a great song. i love it soooo friskin much. its totally me...and i feel bad about that. but thats the way it goes.
I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way
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| i dont know whats going on. mixed feelings like whoa. i dont know what to do.
Help me Rhonda Help help me rhonda yeah. get her out of my heart..... haha great song...grrr...:'(
i just dont know anymore......life changes too much...it hurts... | | |
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in my 